


They're Lesbians, Steve

by buying_the_space_farm



Series: Tony Stark Bingo [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/F, Fem!Tony Stark - Freeform, Frostiron (mentioned), Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Steve Rogers is a Straight Guy (TM) in this fic and im only a little bit sorry, fem!Loki, theyre lesbians, toni is sick of dealing with straight men and this is how it always happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-08-07 01:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16398515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buying_the_space_farm/pseuds/buying_the_space_farm
Summary: Toni hated when this happened. She really did. Why couldn't people all just know that she was dating her amazing and wonderful girlfriend Loki?





	1. First Date Never Gone So Bad

**Author's Note:**

> Walks in carrying starbucks and trying to figure out the right dosage of anti-depressants: Sup?
> 
> anyway here's ~~wonderwall~~ a femslash frostiron fic thats not very femslashy but??? idk what happened.
> 
> also! for my tony stark bingo challenge, and its for square a1. hopefully i will in fact be publishing more of these before the end of the year lakjsdhf
> 
> btw, if you like steve you wont like this fic alkjsdhf just warnin ya

“Steve, I don’t— I really don’t know what to say. Like, at all,” Toni said, not making eye-contact, and fidgeting with her silverware.

“Well, you said yes this time, didn’t you?” Heteronormativity and arrogance was apparently all Steve could speak today. Which, if Toni was being honest with herself, wasn’t much of a departure from the norm. 

“See the problem with that, is, uh, well, I didn’t know this was a date. I just thought it was like. A lunch between friends. No romantic connotations whatsoever.” She still refused to make eye-contact.

Thankfully, it was now Steve’s turn to feel awkward.

“Oh?” His voice sounded like she had looped a noose around his neck and pulled tight. And wasn't that just the most delightful picture at that moment? Killing Steve could only lead to solutions and not more problems, right? Right.

(If Toni didn’t love her so goddamn much, she would say she was hanging out with Loki too much lately.)

“Yep,” she replied, popping the ‘p’ like she popped Loki’s pussy. Or, just in a horrible effort to sound nonchalant. Both worked.

“Can I— um. Can I ask why you thought it  _ wasn't  _ a date?”

“Well,” Toni started. “It sure does help stave off date-offers when I’m already involved with someone.”

Having decided to take an extremely ill-timed sip of his complimentary glass of water, Steve promptly dropped it on his lap, spilling water and ice everywhere.

“ _ What _ ?” He spluttered, cold and indignation making him shiver. 

“Well, Stevie-boy, when two people love each other very much—”

Steve quickly interrupted. “I don't want to hear about this.”

“If you’d let me finish, you’d have heard me say that they tend to date.” Toni was torturing him, so what? It was no less than he deserved, taking her to this subpar restaurant— Loki had shown her a hole in the wall diner that served downright godly fries, burgers, and shakes that had made her personal trainer cry just hearing about them, and Steve really thought he had a chance? Ugh, men— and taken her here under false pretenses, too!

Honestly, he deserved much worse. 

(And he’d probably get it once she told her incredibly hot and extremely possessive girlfriend.)

Someone arrived at last with some towels, and a much needed break for Toni and Steve from trying to very studiously avoid looking each other in the eye.

“Is there anything else I can get for you two?” the waitress asked, either not noticing the Awkward™ that blared off of the two of them, or electing to ignore it in favor of giving a girl (Toni) a chance to get away from an awful guy (Steve). Bless fellow womenkind if it was the latter, truly.

“Yes, I’d like the check please, if at all possible,” Toni rushed out, hoping beyond hope that Steve wouldn't try any chivalrous shit.

“Of course,” she said, and took the little black books out of her apron that were quite often synonymous with groans of defeat when one went out to eat with Toni. It was this time as well, but for a far different reason. But there, in the good lady’s hands, were Toni’s escape routes, just literal inches away from her grasp.

“Thank you  _ so _ much,” she gushed, and the waitress gave her a sympathetic look. Yep, her preparedness and that look could only mean one thing— she had seen what was coming from a mile off.

Toni whipped out her wallet and took out a hundred dollar bill, sliding it into the booklet proffered to her without looking at the final price. “Keep the change darling,” she said with a wink. The waitress deserved it. She hadn't even finished her first glas of wine, but hey. She was a waitress and had to deal with shitty guys like Steve every day doing things exactly like this on every shift. A tip worth ninety dollars for effectively rescuing her from a social bear trap was the least that Toni could do.

She stood, sweeping her hands down her abdomen and thighs in an effort to straighten out any wrinkles that had gathered in her suit in the short while she had been sitting. Just as she turned towards the door to get out of there like a vampire out of sunlight, she heard Steve start to spew bullshit again.

“Did I do something wrong?” His voice sounded small, like a child who had just gotten the scolding of his life. Good. “Did I make you wait? Not fight for you?”

Toni could only turn and glare. What kind of straight guy nonsense?

“Steve you never had a fucking chance, so get that through your head right the fuck now,” she said, the restaurant going silent around them. “Even if there weren't reasons outside of Howard being the worst father on record, and you being—” she flung out a hand and gestured to, well, all of him, “— you, you never had a chance. Howard spent my entire childhood bemoaning the fact that I wasn't a boy, and so I couldn't follow in your footsteps. And boy but did Aunt Peggy and Mom have something to say about that.” 

Steve moved to interject, but Toni stopped him with a shake of her head. “No, you don't get to talk right now.” She closed her eyes and grit her teeth for a moment before starting to talk again. “Howard was always looking for you when I was a kid, and if he wasn't up in the Arctic looking for your frozen ass, then he was at home complaining about the state of the family and how I wouldn't ever carry on the family name.” She smirked. “Jokes on him, when I get married, my spouse is taking my last name.”

“Toni, I— I never—”

Yeah, yeah, you never knew,” Toni interrupted, rolling her eyes. “I know you never knew. But like I said before, you’re just as at fault, even after the circumstances beyond either of our control.” She stepped closer to the table, intent on driving the goddamn point home so that she'd never have to do this again. “You ruined you  _ slight _ chance all on your own, with your fucking superiority, and your fucking male pride, and your mansplaining out the wazoo, and you don’t know when to let something go, Steve, you really don't. You’re beating a dead horse here, I've been out of your league since the day I was born.”

His eyebrows pinched together, a confused scowl gathering on his face. “So what you're saying is, if I’d taken a different approach I might have gotten a real relationship with you?”

Toni scoffed. “God, that’s fucking hilarious. You really need to catch up on queer pop culture in America, dude.” She stuffed her hands in her pockets and turned around to waltz out of the restaurant for good. “I’m a lesbian, Steve,” she called out behind her, a smirk appearing on her face at imagining what his face looked like at that moment.

Once she was outside, she squinted into the sunlight, before pulling a pair of tinted sunglasses out of her breast pocket and sliding them on. It was time to go home to her lady Loki love and forget this afternoon ever happened. Preferably by making some much better memories. Aka comfort sex. Toni could feel her smirk growing into a much more genuine grin just at the thought.

Maybe this afternoon wouldn't end so badly after all.


	2. All's Fair in Love and War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> official sequel/second chapter of "they're lesbians steve"! please,,, cheer with me,,,,  
> loki beats up steve for trying to get toni to go out with him again when she is literally right there. wlw for the win, man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for my free square!! only two (2) more squares until i get the coveted DUM-E badge *fire eyes emoji*  
> both the first (main) part of this fic and this second chapter are unbeta'd so like if you spot any glaring errors lkdhf please lemme know

Toni had to laugh. Steve really hadn't known what he was inviting when he tried to corner her and… intimidate her? into going on a date with her had not been a good move. Instead of the semi-polite thing he had done yesterday, he had just plowed through all the social conventions standing in his way and asked her out again, “now that you’ve had time to think about it.”

She had laughed in his face.

That hadn't gone well. Apparently.

For some goddamn reason, he had once more gone out on an unstable limb and used a hatchet to chop it off in saying all of this while Loki was in the same room. 

Really, truly, a terrible move. One of his worst to date, if Toni did say so herself, and oh but did she.

Loki had been sitting innocently on the couch with Toni as they all had a movie marathon, popcorn bowl on the coffee table and everything. Against all internal voices yelling not to, when Steve had asked to talk to her, Toni had acquiesced, thinking that maybe he had come to apologize. The fact that he had not absorbed the statement “I’m a lesbian, Steve,” shouted almost directly in his face at a busy restaurant was… astounding. Amazing really, that someone could be that dense.

Obviously, Toni had told everything to Loki as soon as she had gotten home from the disastrous lunch— she had actually suggested a vacation of some sort, possibly to a ski resort, but that was a conversation for another day.

So when Loki heard the same bullshit that she had heard of yesterday within her hearing range, she wanted to tear Steve’s head off. Whether that was metaphorical or not was up to Steve and what he decided would be a good idea to say. 

“Hey, Loki, I think there’s been some sort of misunderstanding.” 

Oh, no.

“Misunderstanding how, Rogers?”

“Um, a misunderstanding of words?” As Steve realized just in how deep in shit he was, his voice grew higher, until a prepubescent choir boy would have been jealous.

“Obviously so. Do you know precisely what way though?” Even before Steve’s tentative headshake, Loki was blasting on, full steam ahead. “You seem to think it’s a lovely idea to just go on even after someone has very clearly told you no, which just won't do in this century. And I know you were told no, because my dear Toni told me everything that went on yesterday afternoon.”

“Which, like I said, is probably all a misunderstanding.”

“Really? I’d love to hear how you came to that conclusion,” Loki said, finally rising from the couch in crackling fury.

“Well, first of all, Toni said you two were dating which is just, like, kind of hilarious.”

“Oh, hilarious, is it?” She asked, now stepping into the dining area where Steve was cowering— in a manly way of course. 

Toni and Rhodey simultaneously took another handful of popcorn and looked at the scene in front of them.

Green energy surrounded Loki, her hair blowing in the invisible currents of the magic. 

“God, my girlfriend is hot,” Toni said to Rhodey, the conversation in front of them quickly dissolving into yells of rage, frustration, and triumph.

“I don't want to get beaten up by you, so I’ll just say that Steve is really stupid.”

“Yeah,” Toni said, her voice barely more than a dreamy sigh.

There was a loud crash, and she watched Rhodey eat more popcorn before it got tossed across the room by a super soldier crashing into the coffee table it was on, or a god using magic to throw said table at said super soldier. Or maybe even a woman in a titanium gold alloy suit crashing in to save her girlfriends supposed honor. There were only a few options left for that table, and it had already been in the penthouse for a while. Likely as not, it would be leaving soon one way or another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one, ye, this was v short i know, but hey, it didnt wanna extend itself out and also i fuckin suck at fight scenes  
> two, yes, i assassinated steve's character but i would like to say twe, no three things- one this is catharsis, two im a lesbian i can do what i want, three i have a permit
> 
> i have lots of things to say about toni and loki and if they were women for the majority of their lives and why i say Lady Loki and Toni are lesbians in my hc instead of bi or pan like they are in the comics and if you wanna hear them,,,  
> come talk to me!!  
> twitter: [@SpaceFarmBaby](https://twitter.com/SpaceFarmBaby)  
> discord: @sentient_teapot#7833  
> dreamwidth: [sentient_teapot](https://sentient-teapot.dreamwidth.org/)  
> [join the frostiron discord server!!](https://discord.gg/7Jaqmk5) we're all very friendly and im a mod there :3

**Author's Note:**

> and then toni goes home and she and loki fuck youre welcome. soothing lesbian sex is what god wanted out of the world, cause shes a fucking genius. ugh, her mind
> 
> uh yeah so this was pretty steve UnFriendly so if you like steve please dont comment cause im just gonna delete it yeah  
> anyway!! i totally spilled ice cold water and piping hot tea on steve didnt i? thanks for noticing, ily all
> 
> kudos and comments are how i get through finals!!! i show them to my professors and they say "holy shit so many people like your writing style, obviously you should just walk across the graduation stage right the fuck now, hope to see you in the work force soon"
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://lesbianlokifriggason.tumblr.com)  
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/SpaceFarmBaby)


End file.
